Thursday, November 08, 2007

I keep a poker face so well

Through NaBloPoMo, I've found a group of people who have blogs and also have diabetes. Never one to join any kind of group, let alone one in which the criteria is having a pancreas that decided to drop out, I was a little leery. But after nearly 22 years of going it mostly alone, I find myself craving someone to talk to about what it's like -- someone who knows what it's like. There is no shortage of people I can talk to about it who care, but I feel bad burdening them with it; it's overwhelming and quite frankly boring to me - I hate thrusting it upon someone who doesn't have to think about it. And, too, I hate to feel as though I'm pitied.

So yes, I joined, and there are some very lovely, encouraging, intelligent people in the group. Some of them have been actively participating for years in The Fight Against Type I Diabetes; others simply need someone to talk to. Bernard is the ringleader; he started the group and also started a Flickr group called Diabetes 365: every day for a year, its members post a photo of what it looks like to have diabetes.

I am tentative and afraid, and unsure as to why. My feelings about having this disease are so strong, and generally remain buried (save this post). I don't understand how other people who live with it can remain hopeful that a cure will be found. I don't see how they can talk about it, every day, without falling into despair. It frightens me, this openness.

But I'm trying. I suspect this will be a good, and an important, thing to do.

3 comments:

Frida said...

i admire this move. having lived with my ex-partner for years and watching his resistance to sharing his journey with Type I diabete even with me (unwilling to burden me? i still dont really know) I have a little sense of how complex and challenging a decision this may have been for you.

Brave. I'm sure it will prove to be worth it.

Emma said...

thanks, frida. funny, whenever i think of what you do on a daily basis, i feel like nothing i've ever done in my life is brave!

Bernard said...

Emma

I followed your comment on my blog (thanks for leaving one). I can't take credit as a ringleader, there are many others, such as Kerri or Amy , who have been blogging about diabetes for much longer than me.

If you're looking for support, advice and a good group of folks with the D, you should check out TuDiabetes.com.

This is a social networking site for folks affected by diabetes. It was started by Manny Hernandez, a buddy of mine, and it's really a great resource. You can also find me over there.