Through NaBloPoMo, I've found a group of people who have blogs and also have diabetes. Never one to join any kind of group, let alone one in which the criteria is having a pancreas that decided to drop out, I was a little leery. But after nearly 22 years of going it mostly alone, I find myself craving someone to talk to about what it's like -- someone who knows what it's like. There is no shortage of people I can talk to about it who care, but I feel bad burdening them with it; it's overwhelming and quite frankly boring to me - I hate thrusting it upon someone who doesn't have to think about it. And, too, I hate to feel as though I'm pitied.
So yes, I joined, and there are some very lovely, encouraging, intelligent people in the group. Some of them have been actively participating for years in The Fight Against Type I Diabetes; others simply need someone to talk to. Bernard is the ringleader; he started the group and also started a Flickr group called Diabetes 365: every day for a year, its members post a photo of what it looks like to have diabetes.
I am tentative and afraid, and unsure as to why. My feelings about having this disease are so strong, and generally remain buried (save this post). I don't understand how other people who live with it can remain hopeful that a cure will be found. I don't see how they can talk about it, every day, without falling into despair. It frightens me, this openness.
But I'm trying. I suspect this will be a good, and an important, thing to do.