It told me I'm small and I swallowed it down

Dear Everyone Involved in the Making of Tonight's Episode of House,

Allow me to be blunt: WHAT. THE. EFF. Also: WTF? Let me further expound upon my sentiments regarding tonight's episode by sharing with you three possible theories on why it was so insidiously, insultingly inane [there's something about writing angry letters that prompts alliteration; bear with me].

i) One of your stable of writers thought he'd let his twelve-year-old niece have a crack at writing an episode of what is obviously her favorite show. "Hey, I did get rid of the scene where Cameron and House get married, honeymoon in Hawaii and ride pretty horses on the beach," the writer will say in his own defense.

ii) One of your stable of writers thought he'd let Cameron herself write the script, in exchange for some immature, creepy mothering. "Hey, I did get rid of the scene where Cameron and House get married, honeymoon in Hawaii, ride pretty horses on the beach and then have very sensitive, pop-psych-fueled, weepy sex," the writer will say in his own defense.

iii) Your entire stable of writers was suddenly forced to check in to rehab due to a nasty Vicodin habit, and a twelve-year-old version of Cameron showed up, script in hand, at the last minute.

In short, bite me.

Love,
Emma