I was born like this; I had no choice

Things Which Serve As Further Proof That My Mother Is, Indeed, Fantastic:
1. The fact that she writes emails such as this one, which was titled "Note to Parents" (she works with a lot of parents), and then sends them only to me:

Please note that Elijah and Elisha are two distinct names. One is not the other. They were two distinct historical figures; one was the servant and successor of the other. Do not name your child Elijah and call him—or, what is worse, expect others to call him—Elisha. I, for one, shall refuse to call Elijah, Elisha. It shall never happen, as surely as I shall never stop wincing and/or twitching when I hear YOU do so. If you persist in this madness, then you may as well name your daughter Marie-Therese and spell her name Griselda.