Inspired by Maggie's excellent post (through which I discovered that my mom may say odd things, but at least she has company), I've compiled a few gems from my own life.
Nine by Mum
1. You need a slip with that.
2. If you ever have something in the car that sticks out of the back like that [indicating toward pickup truck ahead of us on the road with large furniture/planks of wood/etc. in the bed], always tie something red to the end of it.
3. That [skirt/blouse/sweater/pair of pants] would look killer with a black [pair of pants/sweater/blouse/skirt]. Or: a red one.
4. If your tooth or eye ever falls out, put it in a glass of milk and go to the hospital.
5. If something big stabs you, leave it in and go to the hospital.
6. Eat fruit!
7. Have you been drinking enough water?
8. Have you been taking your vitamins? FAITHFULLY? [Woah, Ma.]
9. That needs to be ironed.